I am so done with this quest.
I think it might be because the competition is passed now. Now my goal was only really ever to look better in competition, and the routines both went great, placed 4th in both comps which was amazing given it was only my second time competing in a group routine (and it was the national finals) and my first time competing solo. But in both competitions there were comments in the feedback about looking tidier (toes pointed, nicer lines etc) and in my solo routine specifically I scored low (5-6/10) on flexibility and there were calls for more flexibility tricks in my routine. To which I say: I HAVE NO MORE FLEXIBILITY TRICKS! I AM NOT FLEXIBLE! And it is really getting me down.
I have not seen any real change in my flexibility this month. I know it’s a long process and I know I was never going to go from that awful lunge to splits in 1 month, but it feels completely out of my reach and tonight as I tried to make myself stretch I was literally in tears with how fucking fed up I am and how pointless it feels. Not for the first time either.
One of the things I struggle with most is that every person seems to say something different about how you should be going about it, and I have a hell of a complex about doing stuff “right”. Problem is I’m so inflexible I can’t even get into the “right” position to begin most of the stretches anyway, so I feel like I’m doomed to failure from the start.
So, yeah, 2 more days. I will keep stretching every day anyway, even after this month is up, because I need to get there somehow. But I think maybe I need to re-assess how I’m going about it.